Yeah, that's pretty amateurish

Not posting to a blog for two years? That's a total social media amateur move.

Don't be like me.

How did you get to be a social media amateur?

Well, I’m not an expert. Hence, I’m an amateur. If you want the real story of how I got started, it all had to do with me getting laid off in August 2008. I had to make a living somehow and I had lots of craft supplies around the house, so I made pretty crap with them and sold it on Etsy. From Etsy I found out about Twitter, and the rest is history.

It was either sell pretty crap or get a husband.

What is a social media amateur?

It’s a parody. If you ever look for social media experts on Twitter, you’ll find so many of them, they’ll stick to you like flies stick to flypaper placed next to a bug zapper. I had to stand out from the crowd somehow. Oh yeah, I also don’t know a damn thing about optimizing your use of social media or whatever. I just use social media to take a trip down memory lane and waste my time bullshitting.

Don’t social media experts make you money?

Yeah, I’ve got hundreds of them in my followers on Twitter and so far I haven’t seen a red cent make its way to my mailbox. Look, if you social media experts can get me five hundred bucks in my mailbox by April 15, I’ll end this charade and become a social media expert. I’m not holding my breath, but heck, I’ll even put a Paypal donate button up eventually to make it easy for you all to send me money, because I’m sure you all have oodles of it lying around in this economy.

Who are you anyway?

I’m Sarah Moore, the person I say I am on my Twitter and Facebook. No, not the Manson girl. That was Sara Jane Moore. I work as a proud clerical temp now (see above about being laid off) and am the author of this fine blog. Social media keeps me busy meeting people all the time, but if you’re ever in the Phoenix metro area, drop me a line!

Tell me more about social media.

It’s when you get on the internet and get on sites designed so that you can communicate with real people, except on the internet. Well, it’s supposed to be communication, but really it tends to consist of sending people pictures of cute plants and virtually poking them and telling the entire world every thing you do every second of your life, including watering the plants, being annoyed by your children, and going to the toilet.

Please don’t talk about going to the toilet.